The Soul Collector

Hey, check out this sweet collection I got goin’ here.
I got here some of the best and the brightest,
the fleetest and the flightiest,
meekest and the mightiest
souls in all of the whole damn world.
Hell, in all of Creation!
What with all of the
and warmongerin’
and cheatin’ and sinnin’
I’m building up my collection
at a rapid rate of accretion.
Good souls, as the old folks say,
are at a premium in this age and day
and I’m gatherin’ up these babies
like there was no tomorrow.
Hot damn, I’m practically
an expert on these suckers!
I know ‘em like Scripture.
See this imperfection here, on this one?
Well, if it wasn’t for that black mark,
he’d be in mint condition.
As it is, he’s only an “Excellent.”
And her? She’s got a scratch mark
on her back
in the shape of a scarlet “A.”
So she’s only worth half as much now.
Like they say, the Devil’s in the details.
But, you know,
I do take good care of ‘em.
I make sure to keep ‘em in their
little transparent sleeves so
the fire and brimstone don’t scorch ‘em,
toilin’ where I can see ‘em
at a nice, stable, ideal temperature
and out of direct sunlight
so’s they stay fresh and warm and
And Christ! It does take some trouble
to keep ‘em all in order.
But it’s worth it though
because I know
my collection’s priceless.